Alien Newsletter #7: Borderlining BotNodes
Upon Which the Alien Casts Its Eyes Heavenwards, and Wishes It Hadn't
Thee Network 3.27 Note: Thee Network continues to be challenged by what may be called internecine translation issues that have seen the alien and/or aliens presented and/or mis-represented as either paranoid psychopaths balanced on the knife’s edge of homo sapien annihilation or large-hearted benefactors amused by the antics of our species.
Both the quality of the intercepted transmissions and, alas, the sanity of members of our translation team leaves much to be desired and in the weeks and months ahead please expect corrections to the record to be made.
For now, however, we note that the alien and/or aliens remain obsessed with geo-political and geo-spatial borders as well as billionaires, one of whom, BotNode 8 a/k/a Elon Musk, seems to be garnering particular concern. There is also a disturbing suggestion, not-yet-verified by Thee Network, that BotNode 9 and BotNode 11 may in fact correspond to Amazon founder and rocketeer Jeff Bezos and Virgin impresario Richard Branson.
The Greatest Ape Global Information System (GAGIS) a painfully inadequate mechanism has spent an inordinate amount of its finite communication resource on the escapades of BotNode 9 and BotNode 11 (notably Bot Node 8 has remained largely silent with the exception of a now public obsession with his “tiny” house wherein it is impossible to imagine his habitation, let alone the habitation of his spousal human and offspring XÆ A-12).
In brief, BotNode9 and BotNode 11 have made a show of using marginally improved aeronautical technology to not reach space while pretending as a result of having the capacity to free fall to play at zero gravitation. The most notable achievement being the bamboozlement of the world’s communication network into proclaiming that space had been reached when it CLEARLY had not been.
This disinformation spectacle at the highest levels has rightly disturbed Greatest Ape Astrophysicist and world-famous dancer of salsa, Neil deGrasse Tyson, one of the species’ most prominent and big-brained specimens, who is widely considered by his species to “own space” which is, of course, absurd because its ownership is currently in dispute between several parties none of whom reside on earth.
The pointless exploits of both BotNodes may inadvertently accelerate a brewing economic class war in North American Plate 2 as a result of advising millions of drone workers that their years-long efforts resulted in a 10-minute “joy” ride. The activity may also precipitate a trend in which geriatric Greatest Apes are regularly catapulted into sub-orbital zero g for the general psychic delight of populations otherwise pre-occupied with a never-to-end pandemic.
Terrestrial borders are also in dispute. I direct your attention to North American Plate 2, in State-Unit Oregon, where five of its counties expressed a decidedly terrestrial form of alienation towards the larger masses of supersimians in their big cities by voting to secede from said State-Unit Oregon so they could join up with State-Unit Idaho. A movement has begun, but may hinge upon Cannabis Sativa, flora with intoxicating effect on the Greatest Ape. Oregon likes Cannabis Sativa; Idaho prefers firearms.
It remains to be seen whether Neil de Grasse Tyson will be successful in his efforts to further educate the Greatest Apes in so-called critical thinking. The likelihood of this is low.
If the supersimians cannot build it, perhaps they can play with it.